Tag Archives: Marriage

Un-planning wedding exercise

7 Feb
Project development stages

Image via Wikipedia

Project management and wedding planning are interchangeable terms. Both utilize timelines with important milestones, research, required materials, contact names and roles, and so much more (thrilling diagram pictured). Sounds like an exciting way to plan what is suppose to be a fun and relaxing day, right? Not so much.

Let’s use project management to un-plan your wedding. A basic tool used in PM is the Five W’s: what, why, who, where and when. Grab pen, paper and your PMP (a.k.a. pre-marital partner, I can’t say fiancée…it’s just too…foreign) and ask yourself the below questions from a wedding rebel standpoint.

Why are you getting married?

Seems like a silly question, but it is important to ask. Your answer should only include thoughts on commitment, love, union, vows, etc… If you say you’re excited to wear a wedding dress or host an open bar for 200 people you are headed for divorce court my friend.

Why do you want to have a rebel wedding?

In other words, are you committed to having an intimate destination wedding or elopement? It is inevitable folks will give you some flack, so are you ready to hold your rebel ground?

What wedding plans are you unwilling to alter?

Again, this should not include your unwillingness to cut one of your fifteen bridesmaids. Un-planning your wedding means being committed to an intimate and meaningful event. You must be unwilling to host a huge, catered, circus production simply because you feel it is expected of you.

Alright, I got you started. Ask yourselves more Why and What questions, in addition to the When, Where and Who questions. Thinking through these queries will help you zone in on what is important and keep your distance from the ever-stalking wedding beasts. One bite and hello Bridezilla…or Groomenstein.

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A message to the parents of Bridezilla

15 Jan

Technically, I am not a mother. Although I do think dedicated pet parents, like me, fall into a similar role. I do understand the relentless draw to love, protect and embed yourself in a little ones life. Mothers stumbling across this blog will surely send me hate email. Bring it on M.O.T.B. (Mother of the Bridezilla), because I truly believe you are bat crazy if you think your child’s wedding day has anything to do with you.

Yes, you raised and supported your child into adulthood. Yes, you deserve gratitude and love for your dedication. Even though your child didn’t ask to be born, you made a decision (or blissful mistake) to bring a child into this crazy place and vowed to guide them through life.

You were able to witness graduations, broken hearts, career moves and more. You may even have played a large role in those special moments.

There is one moment that does not belong to you. There is no “mom” in “marriage.” Your son or daughter giving their commitment to each other has nothing to do with their mommy or daddy. As a parent, you gave them the tools to be mature, responsible adults that would select a worthy partner, but that is where your journey ends. Or were you planning on tucking the newlyweds in their marriage bed with a cup of hot coco too?

In my many interviews with brides and their families, it is my opinion that much deeper issues drive the obsessive parental wedding behavior. You have to ask yourself what is driving your emotions. Are you sincerely pissed about your ex-husband sitting in a pew closer to the altar than you, or are your feelings stemming from a deeper issue?  Does your anger over the hated wedding venue originate from something more sincere than the physical location? 

A teenager moving away to college leaves parents coping with the dreaded empty nest syndrome. Getting hitched means they don’t even need your nest anymore, and that can be a difficult pill to swallow. They are going to build their own nest. It is the cycle of life. In no way does it mean they no longer love or respect you, it just means they are continuing to expand out on the world. You should be proud, and more importantly you should be supportive. Well, unless your future daughter in law resembles Lindsay Lohan. That’s a different post entirely.