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Beat the Bride

2 Feb

No, I am not advising you punch a bridezilla in the face. Rather, enter the slightly less enjoyable Beat the Bride Contest. Certainly, some brides deserve a beating and here’s your chance…sorta.

Beat brides of the past, present or future by sharing your TRUE bridezilla nightmare moment story. The most dramatic, shocking and perhaps slightly disturbing story will win! Three winners (one for each category…for the mathematically challenged) will win a fab bridal box (sample pictured). Here are the rules:

1. Enter your real bridezilla story below as a post. Be sure to use an email I can use to reach you should you win.

2. State in your post the category you are entering: past (any date prior to Feb. 1st), present (getting hitched by April 30th) or future (May 1st+) 

3. Keep your true story under 350 words.

4. Post your nightmare tale by February 26th.

Your story may also be published in Wedding Rebellion: Saying “I Do” to the Marriage and “Hell No” to the Drama (with your written permission, of course).

Good luck bridal beasts of the past, present and future! Beat the crap out of each other!

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It’s mine! All mine!

26 Jan
Official seal of the USPTO

Image via Wikipedia

Exciting day for this wedding rebel. The term Wedding Rebellion has been approved for Trademark from the US Patent and Trademark office!

For those interested in pursuing a Trademark, I won’t lie, it was a long process. To ensure you are filing right (TM vs Copyright vs Patent) there are many articles and videos to check out (http://www.uspto.gov/). Once you decide which to file, you read and watch more videos on how to file the paperwork. The videos are fairly amusing and incredibly helpful.

After completing the extensive online forms, you make a payment and pick your nose for 6-10 months. They will call you eventually to inform you if your request is approved, amended or denied. Mine was amended. I will get the TM, but will have to include a disclosure stating I do not own the word wedding. I can deal with that.

Here’s to rebelling!

A message to the parents of Bridezilla

15 Jan

Technically, I am not a mother. Although I do think dedicated pet parents, like me, fall into a similar role. I do understand the relentless draw to love, protect and embed yourself in a little ones life. Mothers stumbling across this blog will surely send me hate email. Bring it on M.O.T.B. (Mother of the Bridezilla), because I truly believe you are bat crazy if you think your child’s wedding day has anything to do with you.

Yes, you raised and supported your child into adulthood. Yes, you deserve gratitude and love for your dedication. Even though your child didn’t ask to be born, you made a decision (or blissful mistake) to bring a child into this crazy place and vowed to guide them through life.

You were able to witness graduations, broken hearts, career moves and more. You may even have played a large role in those special moments.

There is one moment that does not belong to you. There is no “mom” in “marriage.” Your son or daughter giving their commitment to each other has nothing to do with their mommy or daddy. As a parent, you gave them the tools to be mature, responsible adults that would select a worthy partner, but that is where your journey ends. Or were you planning on tucking the newlyweds in their marriage bed with a cup of hot coco too?

In my many interviews with brides and their families, it is my opinion that much deeper issues drive the obsessive parental wedding behavior. You have to ask yourself what is driving your emotions. Are you sincerely pissed about your ex-husband sitting in a pew closer to the altar than you, or are your feelings stemming from a deeper issue?  Does your anger over the hated wedding venue originate from something more sincere than the physical location? 

A teenager moving away to college leaves parents coping with the dreaded empty nest syndrome. Getting hitched means they don’t even need your nest anymore, and that can be a difficult pill to swallow. They are going to build their own nest. It is the cycle of life. In no way does it mean they no longer love or respect you, it just means they are continuing to expand out on the world. You should be proud, and more importantly you should be supportive. Well, unless your future daughter in law resembles Lindsay Lohan. That’s a different post entirely.

Funny Wedding Quotes

2 Nov

The Golden Girls ( Episode: All That Jazz 1989): It sure did! Can you imagine my surprise on my wedding night with Charlie?… Boy, that bull would have been jealous.

The Wedding Date (2005): A wedding is a sacrament… a joyous celebration of love and commitment. In the real world… it’s an excuse to drink excessively and say things you shouldn’t say.

Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993): Tell everyone that when the day is out we shall have a wedding. Or a hanging. Either way, we’re gonna have a lot of fun, huh?

Meet the Fockers (2004): I’m not so sure this wedding is such a good idea. I don’t like what I’m seeing from these Fockers.

Bride Wars (2009): Your wedding‘s gonna be huge, just like your ass at prom. / Your wedding can suck it.

Roseanne (Episode: First Cousin, Twice Removed 1993): Do you want to know why I didn’t want you to be a bridesmaid at my wedding? Because there wasn’t enough tangerine chiffon in the whole state of Illinois to make your dress.

Get ready to rebel!

31 Oct

“It will all be worth it in the end,” was a statement that made my jaw clench as a bride!  However, I soon realized the enthusiastic, peppy gals who spewed this encouragement truly did believe all their hard work and planning was worth it, because they actually planned their dream wedding.  That was the key difference between me and the bridal cheerleaders.  My blood pressure would spike at that comment, because I knew I was planning a wedding that would leave me disappointed.  Their dream weddings consisted of magnet Save the Dates, a strapless designer wedding dress, DJ playing the Electric Slide in a stuffy banquet hall, some atrocious color pattern (hot pink and lime green comes to mind), overpriced flowers, and no wedding would be complete without the greedy guests hovering around the open bar.  While I envisioned autumn leaves, the Blue Ridge Mountains and my two furry beagle babies as the only guests in attendance.  It is clear that today’s wedding has become an overpriced, large sized value meal saturated with commercialism, industry pressure and media hype.  And the result is the same as eating the greasy fast food…it will leave you gassy and regretful. 

Wedding Rebellion is based on my treacherous journey as a bride and will hopefully give couples the power to plan selfish nuptials.  The modern wedding is too focused on pleasing and impressing the guests.  This blog is about honoring the vows and cherishing the union instead.  We will reflect on the history of bridal traditions, while sharing some wedding nightmares and shocking statistics along the way.  Understanding the original intent of marriage traditions will hopefully clear your head of chair covers and registries.   Hopefully reading this blog will give couples the strength to repel modern expectations and plan a wedding day that truly showcases the marriage.